I had written the previous blog post about 2 1/2 months ago anxiously awaiting when I became 3 months to be able to tell everyone the exciting news!, and I was just too sad to delete all the happy baby talk. So I thought I would write a separate blog. Chad and I found out yesterday that we lost the baby. I know many people may like to keep that kind of thing private but I truly am just so heartbroken it feels only right to get it written down, and maybe eventually I will end up deleting this entry. There are times throughout yesterday and throughout today where I feel peace that everything will be ok and that this sort of thing happens all the time, but then I have sudden reminders of how sad it is. I bought Madi a "New baby" book that I came across yesterday and couldnt help myself but break down, and all the "Big sister" shirts we bought her now will no longer be worn, and every time I thought about having a sweet baby whos heart was no longer beating inside of me, just killed me. The worst part (sorry if this is too much info) is the baby had to make an exit, and this is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Yes, I have had other hard painful things to go through but this out did them all, passing my baby and just knowing that it had to just be thrown away is just heart wrenching. Today I have been ok, until I caught a glimpse of the forgotten ultrasound I had hanging on my fridge and then the tears started flowing, and all poor Madi kept saying was "Mama sad" which made me more sad, because I do not want her to see me cry. I am grateful I have my Madison and thats what always keeps me smiling, is at least I have her and a loving supportive husband who can be there for me. On a much happier note, we will get to start trying again in a few months. I know many people have had to go through this and I am sorry to each one of you who has. As much as I hate hearing people say it to me, "Everything happens for a reason" I know it does and I know that God has a plan for everything and I know everything will work out for us in the future:) EASTER I thought I would share about Easter too, because it truly was such a wonderful Easter even though that was the morning we woke up with fear for the baby. We had so much fun hanging with all our family, my side and Chads side of the family. And Church had such a wonderful service. Madison had much more fun this year than last Easter, last year all we have are pictures of the poor baby girl crying her eyes out, this year she was a ball of joy and had SO MUCH FUN finding all the Easter eggs my grandma hid for her and my 2 little brothers. This girl is quit the sneaky stinker too, she found like 4 peeps somewhere lying around and every time I looked at her she was gobbling down the last bite of a peep! At least someone likes those things! I truly am grateful for Easter time and how it brings family together, and I truly know that "Because Jesus walked such a lonely path completely and utterly alone, we do not have to". -Elder Holland