I had written the previous blog post about 2 1/2 months ago anxiously awaiting when I became 3 months to be able to tell everyone the exciting news!, and I was just too sad to delete all the happy baby talk. So I thought I would write a separate blog. Chad and I found out yesterday that we lost the baby. I know many people may like to keep that kind of thing private but I truly am just so heartbroken it feels only right to get it written down, and maybe eventually I will end up deleting this entry. There are times throughout yesterday and throughout today where I feel peace that everything will be ok and that this sort of thing happens all the time, but then I have sudden reminders of how sad it is. I bought Madi a "New baby" book that I came across yesterday and couldnt help myself but break down, and all the "Big sister" shirts we bought her now will no longer be worn, and every time I thought about having a sweet baby whos heart was no longer beating inside of me, just killed me. The worst part (sorry if this is too much info) is the baby had to make an exit, and this is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Yes, I have had other hard painful things to go through but this out did them all, passing my baby and just knowing that it had to just be thrown away is just heart wrenching. Today I have been ok, until I caught a glimpse of the forgotten ultrasound I had hanging on my fridge and then the tears started flowing, and all poor Madi kept saying was "Mama sad" which made me more sad, because I do not want her to see me cry. I am grateful I have my Madison and thats what always keeps me smiling, is at least I have her and a loving supportive husband who can be there for me. On a much happier note, we will get to start trying again in a few months. I know many people have had to go through this and I am sorry to each one of you who has. As much as I hate hearing people say it to me, "Everything happens for a reason" I know it does and I know that God has a plan for everything and I know everything will work out for us in the future:) EASTER I thought I would share about Easter too, because it truly was such a wonderful Easter even though that was the morning we woke up with fear for the baby. We had so much fun hanging with all our family, my side and Chads side of the family. And Church had such a wonderful service. Madison had much more fun this year than last Easter, last year all we have are pictures of the poor baby girl crying her eyes out, this year she was a ball of joy and had SO MUCH FUN finding all the Easter eggs my grandma hid for her and my 2 little brothers. This girl is quit the sneaky stinker too, she found like 4 peeps somewhere lying around and every time I looked at her she was gobbling down the last bite of a peep! At least someone likes those things! I truly am grateful for Easter time and how it brings family together, and I truly know that "Because Jesus walked such a lonely path completely and utterly alone, we do not have to". -Elder Holland

Life since 2014

It has been 9 months since I last blogged, my goodness! I have so many things to fill in. Well to begin from the last time I wrote, I was waiting for my thyroid to be taken care of, and guess what..IT IS NOW! We found out in February that my body is where it needs to be and that if things go according to plan we will be able to start trying for our second baby:) But just to fill everything in on Madi since shes the most coolest person to ever hear about.. Madi will be 2, YES 2 in May..wait what? I swear I just planned her first birthday last month. I really do get sad with how fast she is growing, but of course I am so excited about all the developments she makes as well! Right now Madi is VERY in to EVERYTHING Princess. It started with the movie Frozen, and to all my friends, yes we feel your pain, we too are listening to Let it go (not so much anymore) and every other song thats frozen on youtube on repeat all day long. One would think it would be easy and fun to sit there and watch these on repeat but I will tell you I do not enjoy it all the time anymore lol. Because now when she wants to watch one, 30 seconds in she says "other one" and takes my hand and puts it on the computer... and then its a guessing game, who knows which one is "the other one?". Still though its precious, she knows the words to the songs and will lip sing with the words to the songs. Her new obsession though is Belle "Tale as old as time" and the Little Mermaid "Part of your world" and Tangled, Tangled is now the new "frozen", we watch it all the time the whole movie which I have to say is kind of nice being able to snuggle up with a usually none snuggler and sing the songs. So there is no doubt what theme birthday party this girl will be having;) Madison's vocabulary has seriously grown so much, she sounds like a 3 year old sometimes when she talks, she is our little parrot who copies every word we say and its the cutest, except for when something may accidentally come out we dont want her to say haha. Just recently I was rocking her before bed time and we were singing a church song "I am a child of God" and she sang the whole song minus a few words along with me! She seriously never fails to impress me. She is also very tall, which I know I always say, but seriously its so true. We will be at the park and she towers over all these boys and when I get to talking to the other moms about our kids ages, she is at least half a year younger than them and like 3 inches taller. No complaints though she can just beat those boys booties when they try smoochin' her later. Our new favorite thing to do with her since she is finally old enough, is SLED! She loves it! (we stole my moms sled so dont tell her;p) but madi loves going FAST or as she says "FAT" and she loves running "FAT" too. She will even go sledding down the hill by herself, with someone being at the bottom to catch her of course:) She also LOVESS the park and she will now even climb up the stuff by herself and go down the slide, ugh it just amazes me, I know its something so simple but she has grown so much with her independence just because it was something she wouldnt do by herself before and I am a proud mama!She also LOVES going to Monley Bizness and Jumpstreet which are some fun kid jungle gyms around where we live, and they are inexpensive and a good way to get some energy out for a couple of hours! We all got hit super hard with the flu about a month ago, and I am the culprit:/ I totally jinxed us because I was so proud that we managed to skip out on the cooties, but we all got it eventually. And thank goodness we are all over it now, Madi held on to that cough for like 3 weeks! We are also so excited to be looking for a new home to move our family to. We are staying in Colorado and looking near by to where we live now and I can not wait for this next step in our life! I am most excited to have a garage and a backyard, and a basement! OK SO HERE IS SOME EXCITEMENT......ARE YOU READY??? Madison is also very excited to announce that she gets to be a BIG SISTER come early November!! Yep thats right, everything DID go according to plan and we get to welcome this next baby with open arms into our family! YAY! We have our first appointment(well technically second) to get an 8 week ultrasound done, and we get to see the babys heart beat since its too small to hear yet. I am so excited to do this all over again (not gunna like a little nervous though) I will definitely be posting pictures soon!:) HOW MY LIFE IS CHANGING This pregnancy I can already tell is SO much different than when I had Madison in my belly. With Madi I was SO sick right off the bat and cant even keep track on my fingers and toes how many times I got sick. I did however have my first puke episode at 3am on April fools day (very funny baby). But this time around I am so tired, and not just because I have a toddler to chase around, I just feel drained all day and want to sleep all day, so I am taking advantage of nap times while I can. I feel nauseated throughout the day, but it goes away then comes back, I am hoping that by the second trimester I will be full of energy again. Well thats it for now! I will be posting more soon:)